My Confession Box

Sunday, July 25, 2010

It’s been a long time since I went to church and it’s been an even longer time since the message sunk deep into my heart till the point where you get teary. I liked the message a lot today. It focused on the aspect of prayer. There was this quote that I liked a lot, “Prayer isn’t an art but a cry from the heart”.

There was one thing the pastor was darn right about. In live, the baggage of problems that we have is too wide and too heavy for our shoulders. I’ve asked a few people lately whether they had problems in their lives. I don’t mean minor ones but major ones that have been bothering them for quite some time. Well what I wanted to know was what one would do when certain problems can’t be solved. I’m not trying to be lame but I share a similar ideal to “Pain” in Naruto. I truly believe that this dark world and every single soul out there should be banished from the depths of this earth. Ultimately the best solution to fix something is to destroy it. Like the great flood in Noah’s time.

I’ve got unsolvable problems that I can’t manage on my own. Neither will it be manageable if you gave me consultations. There’s only one thing I can do, and that’s to cry out from the bottom of my heart.

[O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven?]

the origin.10:26 PM

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I recall that I used to have this problem of reacting or responding to others. I thought I got rid of this problem ages ago, however I realized that I was wrong. I’m not sure if you realized this, but we tend to put on different masks in front of others. Perhaps because we feel “safe” to let the other party know a particular side of us. Well to some people, I appear more of a joke. Perhaps this is because of my easy-going nature and my cool-temperament. However even though I joke a lot, this doesn’t mean I don’t like to be taken seriously. How many people have actually seen me exploding? I bet almost none of my friends have seen me in a frenzied state.

I hurt someone really important to me lately. Perhaps this person is the only few people that have seen my frenzied state. Trust me it’s an extremely ugly sight, when I get angry you will see a totally different side of me I will be irrational, extremely aggressive and provocative. Well the point is that this hot-headed me will start spouting nonsense that can be very hurtful at times. Here’s the scenario, remember I have a post that mentions about fixing shattered glass? Well truth is that these pieces of glass can no longer be pieced back to what it originally was. I tried; I really tried my best perhaps it is god’s plan to allow certain events to take place. I recognize that these glass fragments can no longer be pieced back to what it originally was however I am still trying my very best to piece together the smaller fragments to retain what can still be saved and by doing so, I tend to get myself “cut” and hurt. Thus giving rise to my frenzied state.

This is the problem with me, I get extremely angry and I start talking shit and then like a couple of hours later, I hit myself real hard on my forehead and I go … “What the hell was I thinking”.

Here’s a quote relating to what I mentioned above, hope that anyone who’s reading this will consider the consequences about confrontation when in a “frenzied” state.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ~Ambrose Bierce

(There’s this saying that when you dream about someone, it’s probably because that person is thinking of you. I wonder if this is true)

the origin.1:30 PM