My Confession Box

Sunday, February 15, 2009

This week has been extremely tiring for me. Knowing that I am not one that goes out very often. I have been out for the entire week.

Monday: NS Medical Checkup
Tuesday: Supposedly ... a job interview
Wednesday: Supposedly ... celebrate B’day with Kevin but ended up going out with my Cousin
Thursday: Went to send the girls off
Friday: Went out to have dinner with my cousin and an old neighbour
Saturday: Spend the day watching movie with Wei Liang

Today, Sunday was extremely tiring yet fun. The guys are back playing basketball again around 16 of us turned up. Played from 2.15pm till 7.15pm, it’s been ages since I played 5 hours, and what’s most memorable was that my team won all 15 games. We were unstoppable, I had like 30 shot blocks. Its the first time I won so many games and block so many shots.

It’s been a feasting season ever since Chinese New Year, day after day it was buffet after buffet, snacks after snacks, steamboat after steamboat and supper after supper. It’s all going to stop tomorrow, time to get back to the routine based lifestyle and to work on the promises I made to myself.

The “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” was pretty alright, well what left the greatest impact was the part about it’s not nice to get younger instead of older. It reminds me of a scene in the movie Rocky 5. What I liked a lot too, was the part about how the author made the lives of people affecting one another.

Here are some quotes that I love a lot.
"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." – Benjamin Button

"Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance." – Benjamin Button

(I’m not a great fan of boxing, in fact I know nuts about it but I believe that there are always words of wisdom to learn from everyone. You know, there’s wasn’t really many people to give me advice when I really needed it. Sometimes learning from seers from the past actually fills this gap of mine. I too wish that I had coach, that would scold me giving me good advice when I need it etc... I hope that I would have a basketball coach in the future. I know that with my mediocre skills I wouldn’t make it into the NBA but you know, I just want to be part of something big and it’s never too late to start. Look at people like Manu Ginobili from the the San Antonio Spurs. He entered the league really late at the age of 25, and also he was the first from Latin America to join the NBA. Look at some others like Gilbert Arenas nicknamed agent 0. Nobody saw his talent, some even mocked that he would have 0 game play time in matches. What happened to these people? They turned out great. )

the origin.8:26 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

162,000 and the clock continues to tick mercilessly, alongside the unstoppable march of time, the scorching heat of the sun seems to have dried up the well containing the water of life. I sat down at my usual thinking spot and pondered about what should be and should not be done. Despite lost, I tried to find a direction and unknowingly I picked up my pace and started writing my piece to some of my friends. After all, it is through the works of chance that many of us got to know one another.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

[Destiny decides whether the fate of men should intertwine]

the origin.1:29 AM

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Today was another day in which I saw the ugly side of humanity. Like the sirens that go on in Gotham City each day, today was no different. Whenever humans get into quarrels, they just start hurling words at one another and what happens is that they lose control of their sanity and they themselves have no idea what the heck they are talking about. You know what happens when you get into a fight with another? Instead of word wrestling to check out who has a greater range of Hokkien vocabulary, just keep silent, walk away and give one another a time out session. (Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”)

Perhaps the most insightful phrase that have caught my ears would be “Do not be quick to take offence”. I’m trying to train this aspect along with patience till a point in which when someone tells me something I already know, I would keep meek and let him finish taking it as though I did not know it beforehand.

I’m really disappointed on what “Home” has become, it’s already torn and tattered and in a couple of months time it will totally be torn apart. But perhaps that is god’s plan and once again I’m just a chess piece who has to fulfil my role.
I love Kenyon’s Martin’s tattoo which says “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!”. Certainly this is true, don’t go around judging others when we don’t have the right to do so. Humans are all sinners, who dare raise his or her hand to say that he or she has done no wrong in this life? If we all stop being so judgemental on one another the world would be definitely a better place to live in.

(I’m always lost at what to do)

the origin.10:09 PM

Sunday, February 01, 2009

(Unlike my usual style of ending with a song, this time I would like to start with a song <”The Heart of Worship”> that I love a lot. Check out the lyrics, www.stlyrics.com/songs/m/mattredman20504/theheartofworship929505.html // it is related to what I will be sharing)

If you have been an avid reader, recall the post that I written about 2 months ago which started off with ... “Unleash the beast within”. Today’s sermon hit me really hard, the message revolved around this song and it was somehow rings a bell within me.

In my previous post, I shared about my quest about becoming a better man and I finally understood what I wanted to achieve at the end of the day. That is to stand “right” in the presence of god. Sadly, this is simply impossible, because I can’t do it with my own strength. I am a grave sinner and only through the grace of god that I will be able to live righteously.

I’m really afraid of myself at times, the human heart is simply too defile. I’m very afraid that I will not be able to suppress my dark side and I would fumble and commit sin after sin. Think about this, if someone spouts hurtful remarks all the time or has some sexually transmitted disease, is it the mouth that is defile or perhaps the body? If your thinking yea it’s both, well your wrong. It all stems with the heart. I recall a conversation I had with one of my best friends that “when the very thought crosses your mind, you have already done wrong. First the thought followed by the action”. Up till now, I still stick to my guns. I believe that we should see no evil, hear no evil and do no evil. Whoever see this and feels otherwise, call be a stubborn blockhead if you must but I still think that it should be this way.

I realized that I have failed to love my enemies, and at times I even have the evil intent or ripping them apart. Matthew 5:43-48 “But I tell you: You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

As I had a chat with Zubin on the bus yesterday, I asked him what is “Pride” and he told me it differs from one person to another. Likewise I felt the same but I felt that it was a personal space that we didn’t like others to step on. It was somewhat like ego that I felt was bad, I wanted to throw my pride away. Zubin, I’ll always remember what you said to me and I will live to become that man who would never be afraid to admit his faults. The reason why I asked him this was because earlier on during the day I was reading Matthew chapter 18 which talked about “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven”. Matthew 18:3 “And said: Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children (trusting, lowly, loving and forgiving) you can never enter the kingdom of heaven at all."
God granted King Solomon the gift of “Wisdom” but if god gave me a wish, I would want to become the “Man-Child” one that posses the fruit of god.

In the anime Gundam 00, Exia's Trans-arm mode (it's basically the most powerful mode of a robot) has a unique feature of listening to the thoughts of others, I don't know why but I want to posses an eye that can see right through people this would help me in my passion. I realized that my most ideal job would be one related to "Social Sciences", I still feel I was destined to connect people and bridge lives. Unfortunately the job prospects aren't that ideal but it's ok because I can still connect people and bridge lives even if I am not a politician.

[I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it, When it's all about You, It's all about You Jesus.]

the origin.12:57 PM