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Sunday, September 26, 2010
I haven’t been writing for nearly 2 months, and it isn’t because I don’t really have much to reflect upon. On the contrary there are too many things that I really want to write about however due to time “constraints” I haven’t been able to do so. Every time I get interrupted the fire that ignites my “writings” seems to die.
I’ve finally made a decision that I really struggled to for a long time. That is to stop writing here. This will be my final post for this blog. There are too many reasons why I decided to do so.
About one and the half years ago, I wanted to stop writing because I felt really stupid for all the things that I’ve written for a girl that I really liked. But this time this isn’t the reason. In fact, I no longer feel stupid for all the things I have written. Because there is nothing wrong with liking someone and it is definitely not stupid to write your “truest” feelings for someone. Instead of feeling stupid, I’m really proud to say that for someone I love, “I was willing to do stuff that I would never do”
About half a year back a friend of mine who read about me cut me real deep, my self-image was already severely battered and this particular had to give me the finishing blow. This person was someone who I regarded as a very important friend but perhaps this person unknowingly hurt me. At that point, I really questioned how clearly I deemed someone my “good friend”. I was very hesitant to let someone who hurt me to get to know me better because when I write, it reflects my “truest” self. I felt that there was a need for me to put on my mask to protect myself.
That’s why there was a period I kept reflecting on the topic friendship. I felt extremely strongly for the quote "A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." - Arabian Proverb
I liked this quote a lot because up till now, there isn’t a friend whom I can pour out ALL my heart’s content. Not one that will take what I say, sift it and keep what’s worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. Don’t get the wrong idea that I quit writing here because I am unable to forgive this friend of mine; in fact I’ve forgiven this friend a long time ago. There are many doors one has to go through to get to the inner me; anyone who is able to enter a door that I keep closed out from most people is already considered my friend. Even though I really hope to have a friend like that mentioned in the Arabian Proverb, but nevertheless I am grateful for having friends even though they sometime aren’t exactly what I hope for them to be.
It has been a long time since I wanted to get back to the origins. The origins of my writings, it was intended to be something really private like a journal/diary, my safe haven, my sanctuary where I pen down my deepest “truest” thoughts without being affected by others.
To my readers: Regardless of whether you have been reading about me because your just a nosy parker or whether you read about me because you care for a friend, I’m very grateful that someone out there actually bothers getting to know this simple plain flower in a whole garden of plants. To those that read about me because they care about me as a friend, I hope my blog has helped some of you to get to know me better.
“Nobody sees a flower -- really -- it is so small it takes time -- we haven't time -- and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” - Georgia O'Keeffe
To all readers, I hope that in the future when you come across another plain simple looking flower, you would bother to take a closer glance and understand this “Flower” better. Because not everyone open’s up easily and everyone needs friends.
[My new blog will signify a brand new beginning for me. Maybe someday when I feel that my mask isn't ever needed in front of certain people, I will open this “sanctuary” of mine to allow people to get to know me even better.]
the origin.11:11 PM
Name: Perry Tan Z.Y
Birthday: 22nd December 1988
Religion: Christian
Personality: INFJ
Loves: Basketball, Anime, HK, Korean and Chinese Dramas, Hanging out with friends, Watching Movies, "You Know ...", Gaming and Chinese Music
Hates these Traits ... Arrogance, Injustice, Insensitivity and Running Away (Even though I tend to run away a lot)
Wishlists: Enlightenment, Thought-Antagonist, Time Travel Machine, The other Puzzle Piece and A book called "How to become a Better Man"
my voice
taggie
preferably cbox
entries;
myself;
shouts;
links;
my past;
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