Lately, I’ve been a happier person for a particular reason. It’s like how Hanamichi Sakuragi describes it in Slam Dunk Episode 1 “My springtime has come”. I’m not saying it because it really is spring but because of some other reason. It’s like a new surge of energy has entered my life.
I’ve found inner peace in my life lately, really peaceful days where I don’t really complain or grumble as much as I used to. It’s like there really isn’t anything in particular to make me really upset or scared. I just get up early each day to go to work, working till the end of the day and staying overtime if need be. Even though work might be boring most of the time but I’ve found joy in helping others out. After having hearty chats with one of my colleagues, his attitude started to change for the better and so have the attitudes that others have of him. Strangely it brings me great joy to see how I can have an effect on the lives of others.
Did the situation change for me? I doubt so, rather I believe my attitude changed and when your attitude changes, everyday seems like a good day.
Here’s a hilarious quote:
“We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time”. -Art Buchwald
This is a quote that I came across at my workplace and I posted it on one of my teacher’s wall.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles R. Swindoll
[I’m starting to learn to ignore what people think about me. It’s like there’s not much of a point explaining to them what’s going on because if their unwilling to listen, no amount of words would get into the puny brains of theirs. Recall, “Don’t bother explaining yourself, your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it”]
Not too long back, I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I died. It made me wonder, let’s say for instance if I had cancer and I happen to pass away… would I have left this earth in peace? Well, the answer was a no; there are too many things that I have yet to do. For one, I questioned myself who would remember me when I die and what have I done in my entire lifetime. Was life all about earning big bucks and fulfilling all my “Wants”?
I’ve been walking closer to god lately. Been reading and reflecting on issues more often than I used to. I felt that my aim in my life shouldn’t about being some heart surgeon where I earn a lot of money but rather a job where I can impact and change the life of others.
This makes me recall a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson in which I came across many years back.
"What Is Success"
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
By Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, a couple of wild ideas went into my head once again. It made me recall a dream job that I once thought of. I want to become a journalist or a scriptwriter for Walt Disney. Why of all things a scriptwriter and a journalist?
I always believe that information that is provided by various channels in this world is suppressed; they don’t really reflect the true picture. Or rather I’d call it “Information control” in which the government withdraws information to the general public or rather propaganda to propel their political agendas. I wanted to be the people’s champ by telling them the truth, helping to voice out for those desperately trying to reach out to the international community. I joked with my mom about it and I told her I’d probably die really early as a journalist. (Think of it as being silenced for knowing too much)
I too wanted to be a scriptwriter for Walt Disney. I love Disney cartoons ever since young they seem to really captivate me. I love writing for one and I too wish I could write stories that help children learn morale values and at the same time these stories would have an underlying message for adults or perhaps the government conveying various social and political messages. I’m a pretty dangerous guy don’t you say?
I felt that doing the above would enable me to leave this world satisfied. I’d be able to influence and change the lives of many out there, becoming a platform to create heroes for children to look up to. (Ever since young till now, I’ve always admire many people that I come across through films.)
Couple of months back I’ve become really lazy, but I’m glad this lazy spree has come to a halt. I’m back on my feet again. Although it’s back to square one like how I was like in poly year 2, however I’m confident that I can built myself to become how I used to be just before entering this organization.
Well, one useful thing I learnt during my time in this organization is the part about respect. You see, in order for people to trust you, you have to build up your reputation. This way people would come to respect you. But set aside this, I too understood why I’m so unsuitable for this organization.
I’m not an asshole that’s why. I’m serious. Call me old fashioned but I always believed in seniority commanding respect. Imagine someone your age or younger than you telling you what to do and you have to submit yourself to them and be subjected to any forms of abuse that they have up their sleeves.
[I’m like a bird that has to be free, if you cage me like a beast I’ll snap and bite]
the origin.11:47 PM
Sometimes you can be extremely motivated to do something, but after a day or two you might struggle with yourself. I’m not referring to the type of inspiration that dies 3 minutes later; rather I’m referring to being in situations whereby fear haunts you constantly.
I’m not a very brave person and I prefer to stick to my comfort zone, that’s why I like sticking to routines and not performing my routine for even a day can leave me feeling weird and uncomfortable. Have you watched “Dear John”? Recall, John’s father was said to be autistic? He too isn’t comfortable with getting out of his comfort zone. I’m not trying to say I’m autistic but I guess we all have a zone that we like to reside in.
I believe many of us hear 2 voices within us just like Donald Duck above. It’s been nearly a week since I entered this new atmosphere. I’m still pretty uncomfortable with being forced out of my comfort zone. I’m trying my best to be as positive as I can; however there seems to be this voice that tells me otherwise.
Don’t be mistaken that this negative voice within me is wrong; on the contrary to most of us humans whatever it has to say is far from wrong. Well, I hate to admit it but my current job sucks. I could be doing much more if given the choice to direct how I would spend my time. It’s true that my current job is meaningless and dull.
It’s not wrong to think this way; however I learnt something in life. You could imagine all of us to be cute little white rabbits caught in traps. Most of us would probably be struggling when caught however I learnt that the more you struggle with life, the more painful it gets.
Here is a quote that is linked to what I have to say:
“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear. When we try to avoid the discomfort that we call fear, our world grows smaller and smaller.” - Cheri Huber
In life we could choose to continue filling ourselves with negative thoughts which would seem extremely logical however I beg to question what good that would do to us. Let me give you an example, “The weather in Singapore is hot. You could choose waking up every morning being pissed about the weather for the rest of your life till you drop dead or you can choose to wake up in the morning telling yourself that it’s a good day to work out some sweat.”
Here is a quote that I feel strongly about:
"There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes." ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues
Even though I still find my job a complete waste of time, but it’s not about finding the job within, that’s filled with meaning but finding the meaning filled within the job. Sure, my job is retarded and I absolutely don’t see how I can stand to gain by applying this “skill” in the outside world in roughly a year time however despite my meaningless job I can still lead a meaningful life by helping others at my workplace. For instance if your fellow colleague is being tasked or rather aimed with a heavy workload by the boss, you could help him or her out and be a blessing to others. Now won’t you reckon that being a blessing to others will help you lead a meaningful life? If not, tell the millions of social workers out there that they have been wasting their time.
I hope that in days to come, I would remember this quote and not only say but agree fully with it.
“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” ~Rabindranath Tagore
[In the past, I never understood why my cousin loved the song "Still". But now I do, I guess you were like me not having your wishes granted or not having things go your way ... "I will be still know you are god"]
the origin.5:15 PM
I went in at 1.30pm in the afternoon yesterday and I watched the numbers of the electronic queue jump from one person to the next. Each time the buzzer rang when the numbers changed, my heart skipped a beat. In my opinion I really found it some sort of a judgment day. Its outcome would decide my fate. Finally my turn arrived. I entered the room, said whatever I had to say and listened to what he had to say. I knew my case had to stand because I wasn’t lying; I even had evidence to substantiate what I had to say. Within a short 20 minutes, my nightmares were over. Or so I thought …
I came into the office today, confident of where I would go to; unfortunately the day ended proving otherwise. I was not the miracle man whom I proclaimed to be. Apparently, I’ve tossed my coin against fate too often lately. For most parts of the day I was dazzled, stunned at what fate has thrown unto my feet once again. I really thought my prayers were answered yesterday.
You know, since young I always had this strong sense to differentiate right from wrong. Every time if I were to perform an action and if it’s wrong, it’ll just prick my conscience right after. I would just feel terrible with a great urge to do something about it. Despite so, I’d still do wrong one after another. I’m still human; I have my own lust, greed, wrath, envy, pride and fears. It’s funny how confident I was today, thinking that god would answer my prayers, when I knew from the start that what I asked for was morally wrong.
“God's way of answering the Christian's prayer for more patience, experience, hope, and love often is to put him into the furnace of affliction.” ~ Richard Cecil
Unlike most people out there, I’m tormented by a whole load of shit. More than you could possibly think of. The stress put on me is at an all time high. Sometimes I really wonder why god put me in such circumstances. Maybe god realizes that I’m an unconfident guy who needs to learn to step out of his comfort zone and face his fears. It’s times like these I really need encouragement and surprisingly I didn’t get any inspiration from quotes from the sages of the past. The most encouraging thing I heard today …
1. Perry: I’m trying my best to hang in there, I’ll see if I can tahan
Kevin: “You can de, I know you can!”
2. Aunt: You have to learn something important that is no matter what life throws at you, you have to learnt to adapt and live on.
I’m a scary cat, well in certain sense I really am. Ever since young, when I’m afraid I’d hide behind my dad. When thing don’t go my way, I know my mom is there to make things go my way. Maybe it’s time I grew to step out from the umbrella of protection that my parents have provided me since young. It’s time for me to be my own man and take on the world.
(I have to learn to be still …)
(I can watch this a hundred and one times and it just gives me new insights)
[I would like to thank a friend of mine for smsing me or just asking me how I was. Simple stuff like those really encourages me. Sometimes its just nice to know that out there, there's someone who cares]
=Original Post Written on 09 March 2010=
the origin.9:01 PM