My Confession Box

Monday, April 12, 2010

I’ve been too trusting lately; not too long back I tried to change my mindset, I sincerely believed that when we make friends with others we try to remove our masks and reveal our true selves however time and again reality seems to reflect otherwise. Humans are pretty dangerous creatures don’t you say? I’m a really cautious person, or should I say I used to be. I don’t trust people easily, to most new acquaintances I won’t reveal much about myself. Perhaps to them I might seem cold, aloof, living in my own world and anti-social. I’m starting to believe that I should revert to my old self, wearing a mask wherever and whenever I go.

I’m starting to wonder if I really do have a good sense of judgment of character. I always say I don’t make friends easily and when I do, it’s usually because I feel comfortable or should I say safe that I could speak of certain matters to them. But I guess we all have our share of secrets and sometimes I just feel like hiding. Initially when I first started out this blog, it was supposed to be unknown, it was supposed to provide sanctuary for me to pour my thoughts but somehow I stupidly blurted it out and I’m really wondering if I did the right thing.

Recently, I’ve been really disappointed by how weak human bonds are. It’s very hurting when you hear people spout insensitive remarks but it’s even worse when that particular someone is your friend. Humans are really selfish, when you’re on the same boat they look out for one another but once this particular person leaves your boat and enters another boat he could change like a chameleon. To look out for his or her best interests, they could stab you on the back even if you used to be on the same boat. Where was the part about brotherhood and caring for one another when we’re in need? Remember people, when you make friends with someone make sure it isn’t for the motive “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”. Friends help one another without any strings attached, favors are not meant to be paid back they are meant to be paid forward.

Call me defensive or turtle-liked if you think so. But once someone betrays my trust, it’ll take ages for the trust to be rebuilt. I think I should close myself up and protect myself. No more getting too friendly with people.

The week ended making me hate this organization even more than ever. This is like a breeding ground for assholes; I’ve been wondering what gives them the right to push us around. Why the fuck should I respect someone whom I hardly know? Why am I supposed to greet people who are younger than me with a “Lower” tone as though I was scared of them? In which freaking way are they superior to us?
Well some people in this organization think that they can get what they want because of a few patterns on their freaking uniform. They think that because of some “Markings” that they have, they can disturb and cause inconvenience to others. I mean is there even a rational reason why I should treat you as though you were socially of a higher status then I am? Why should I behave like a dog and bow down to others? Do you see nobles throwing their weight around during this era? What gives him the right to do that to me? What’s he better at than I am? He’s physically fitter? Wow so that gives him the right to push his weight around? So does that mean Olympics candidates are kings and queens? Hell no, their human beings like we are, we’re all equal.

Well, enough of the negative stuffs that I experienced this week. Today is like my favorite day of the week. It’s Saturday, and when it’s Saturday it’s movie time! I caught an amazing cartoon today, “How to Train your Dragon” was simply awesome, it awoken the kid within me. I love being a kid.

I loved the main character “Hiccup” a lot. He reminds me a lot of myself, we’re like deemed by society as “losers” because our strengths are outside the social norm. Like hiccup I’m not intelligent, I don’t posses exceptional talents for example music and the arts. And neither am I physically strong like other people. But it just gets me so motivated when I see people whom are like me fighting for their “Focus”.

I’m so going to get a pet when I get overseas; it’s ironic how we distinguish ourselves from animals. Some people say animals don’t have a heart, but it seems like it is us humans that are heartless. I’m no Doctor Dolittle but I’m sure if you treat an animal sincerely and whole-heartedly, they’d do the same.

[Original post written on the 10th of April]

the origin.8:11 PM