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Monday, December 07, 2009
Although it’s only been 2 weeks since I last wrote, it felt like ages has passed. You could say either a lot happened to me lately or perhaps nothing much happened that has led my writing to come to a halt. But I would say, so much happened in days that seemed like “nothing much” has happened.
During my first few days in the office, I observed that the atmosphere was pretty cold. The people there weren’t too friendly, set aside Daniel and Ryan. Daniel was the only guy who reached out to give a warm hand shake. He was my only friend around the place, who made conversations with me. Sadly, he left for surgery and long term leave 1 weak after my stay. Ever since, I’ve been more or less alone.
Ever since his departure, there were times when I felt absolutely miserable. It’s times like these where I desperately need somebody to talk to, however I’ve noticed that it’s at times as such, no one is ever there for me to pour my grievances to. Ever scrolled down your phone book and discovered that there are less than 3 people that you can really talk to? What happens when they’re busy and there’s no one there any longer? But I guess it’s alright … after quite some time, I’ve started to learn to be alone. Put me alone with writing materials and a dictionary of quotations, I’d probably pick myself up from any situation that hits me hard. Unfortunately, I don’t have a dictionary of quotations. I’ve visited a couple of bookstores however all attempts to search for this book has turned out futile. Perhaps a gift I would really want above all else for Christmas is a really good quotation book, one that can help me to express myself and to provide me with good advice.
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Time really passes really quickly. Unknowingly it has been 5 months since I entered this “Organization”. It’s already December and the year is coming to an end. As I look back at this year, I question myself what the hell have I been doing?
Have I really wasted this year away? I recall living a fruitful life over the past 3 years, maturing and growing up expanding a lot of my thoughts. However this year has been bad for me. There were too many instances when I felt miserable, too many instances in which I left time to cradle for itself, too many moments that I felt ashamed of myself, too many goals made but not achieved, too many times that I saw how weak I really was. Too much time wasted …
Recently, I caught the movie 2012 with mom. It made me reflect on quite a lot of stuff. For instance, the true meaning of humanity. I’ve always felt that to be human is to be humane and certainly the movie portrayed itself towards such light. Even though I know that to be human is to be humane, how many times has it been that I did something hurting, something insensitive, something selfish and letting my wrath take control of me. Although I don’t throw tantrums easily, but when I do it gets extremely ugly. It’s times like these when I feel stupid. I’m sorry …
This weekend, I’m going to follow what Renesh Boss once taught me. That is to reflect by reading my previous posts. I’m going to read my entire blog and question myself what have I been doing, to determine if this year has been really wasted and even if it is, to rediscover “myself” or to bring a whole new meaning to what it means to be “Very Perry”.
[There are too many things that I want to do lately. But I don’t know whether it should be done, because doing so is going to throw me into a state of stupidity once again.]
the origin.9:29 PM
Name: Perry Tan Z.Y
Birthday: 22nd December 1988
Religion: Christian
Personality: INFJ
Loves: Basketball, Anime, HK, Korean and Chinese Dramas, Hanging out with friends, Watching Movies, "You Know ...", Gaming and Chinese Music
Hates these Traits ... Arrogance, Injustice, Insensitivity and Running Away (Even though I tend to run away a lot)
Wishlists: Enlightenment, Thought-Antagonist, Time Travel Machine, The other Puzzle Piece and A book called "How to become a Better Man"
my voice
taggie
preferably cbox
entries;
myself;
shouts;
links;
my past;
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