My Confession Box

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Often through times of adversity only will you see the real “You”. Don’t you say.

About a week ago, I went to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. There was this particular scene that I felt pretty strongly to what I mentioned above. Just curious, what was your first impression of Albus Dumbledore? When I first caught him on film, I felt he was wise and patient one who would be held with high esteem. Little did you realize that through adversity, you would see the ugliest sight of him. Recall the scene in which he forced himself to drink the potion from the Hocrux but at the same time he begged for mercy? I’m not despising him rather I felt whatever he did was exceptionally brave.

Remember Suman from D.Gray Man? He faced adversity and was about to die at the hands of Tyki Mikk. What did we see in the once brave and powerful Suman? We saw the ugliest sight of him, one who cowered in fear and begged for mercy to the extent of betraying his comrades. Once again I didn’t really despise him because I found him exceptionally pitiful. Although most of the viewers would criticize him for being such a wuss, however what the hell do they know? If they were put in the same situation, what would they have done? All humans have certain forms of fears. Some of us are afraid to face pain, hardship and some death.

Yesterday, I visited a specialist with regards to one of the medical problems. Couple of months ago before I was supposed to be enlisted, I was diagnosed with recurrent tonsillitis and sinusitis. I was scheduled for surgery but I opted out because I didn’t want my Official Release of Duty (ORD) to be lengthened as I had to attend further studies right after “going through my 2 years of shit”. (In case you didn’t realize what I was referring to I mean conscription.)

(Here comes the part where facing adversity you see the ugliest sight of me and how pathetic I can get.) Apparently my sinusitis got worse, I was diagnosed with chronic sinusitis and nasal polyps which has affected my breathing passage. I was highly advised to go for surgery once my sinus infection was treated but apparently I tried to delay it. Why? It was because I wanted my condition to turn for the worse that way the “So-Called-Doctor” who is blind can finally see and would have no choice but to deem me unfit for combat duties which in another word means down-pes. Pretty pathetic don’t you think? Some others who are in the same predicament as I am even had thoughts of hurting themselves or exacerbating their health conditions.

Sometimes, we shouldn’t take sentiments too lightly. I remember telling myself that I would do whatever it takes for god to make me a stronger person and when we usually ask for something like that to happen, It usually involves yourself jumping into the furnace of affliction. You would have to go through hardship, adversity and living-hell! My initial positive stance wavered and my motive to become stronger was lost. Things didn’t turn out the way I hope for it to be (the more i'm forced to do something the more rebellious i get) and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and I just wanted to get the hell out of the shit I was in.

I really don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m not sure whether my desperate attempts would turn out the way I hope for it to be, but what I’m sure of is that I am starting to learn to live one day at a time, trusting god on my worries because it is said that worrying is foolish, futile and faithless. (I know my friend the other control freak. Another huge pessimist like myself would certainly disagree. But there comes a point in time when you feel otherwise). I often struggle between 2 forces like the one in my previous post but there comes a time when my mind becomes clearly sorted out. It’s the pivotal point in which you judge whether an action was wise a not, whether a not you would have done the same thing if time could repeat itself. I certainly have found my answer.

the origin.10:34 PM