My Confession Box

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Do you believe that the going of life made us who we are? Didn’t some idiot say that Gilbert Arenas wouldn’t even a minute of playing time when he got to the University of Arizona? Would he be so obsessed with proving people wrong if that didn’t happen?

I recall my past when I was in Nanyang Primary School, knowing that I ain’t too bright it was always great to know that I wasn’t last but perhaps second last. But there a came a time when things changed, the girl who use to got last got scolded the shit out of her ass by one of the teachers and what happened? Damn did she became smart, got like 23+ for the PSLE. If that girl didn’t get scolded would she have changed?

You see, during our life time Values and Morales that are instilled on us are somewhat governed by the events that took place. Likewise in my storybook, things happened and they made me who I am. Knowing who I am, I like justice to be served but lately, I seem to cower with fear. I back off at the sight of danger and sometimes I really wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

Here comes the story where I come across someone so hurt, a person who seems to be condemned to oblivion. Someone who gets look down, trampled and ridiculed by others. Yet for years and years the tide did not turn for him, even luck wasn’t on his side. Have you met someone who has absolutely no one to turn to?

A typical scene we see in drams would be teenage pregnancies where the girl who describe her sad tale of venturing to the pharmacy in search of the pregnancy kit at the same time avoiding the “Eye of ostracism” that others give. Ever wondered how that would feel? Well, the person I am describing is one such person who is overly cautious of others. This person believes that everyone out there is his enemy and jumps to conclusions too quickly and most often towards the negative aspect. Entrapped and caged he seems and how I wish I could make a difference by freeing this poor soul, but yet how much could I help? I often tell myself I could if I would, but now I’m starting to really wonder if all the food that I’m eating lately is stuck up my head and I’m thinking clearly and I’m plain lazy.

I’m a man who thinks of the consequences before I act, I imagine all the possible scenarios that might happen and how I would react to it, I believe that I’m behaving responsibly. By portraying myself as a man who doesn’t give a shit and one who bows down to tyranny I actually think of the bigger picture, if stepping up and snapping my mouth at every sight of injustice will make a difference, certainly I would. But if it wouldn’t what’s the point? There’s this Chinese saying “君子報仇十年不晚” if you were to translate it to English it would probably be "The gentleman hugs the enmity ten years is not late." Instead of making a meaningless sacrifice I believe that I can contain the vengeance that those victims seek and weave it into something great, something that doesn’t just defend one man who has been treated unequally but everyone regardless of who they are. If you still can’t understand what I’m saying, basically I mean to make reforms be it in the planes where laws exist or the social planes of ostracism. Problem is can one tolerate and hold out till then? Trust me it hurts, it’s somewhat like having an arrow shot into your ass and your dying to pull it out, but at the same time pulling it out somewhat punctures the wound.

the origin.12:14 AM