Monday, March 30, 2009
During year 1 in Republic Polytechnic, I was posed a question by one of the facilitators. It went around the lines of “How close should friends be?”
My response to this question was even if he were to be my best friend, we need to draw a line. That line isn’t there to show how anti-social I am but rather it is there to protect our friendship. Throughout the years, happenings that took place questioned me on whether a not this line is necessary in other contexts as well, for instance family and sadly I have found my answer.
Around half a year back I wrote about how difficult it was for human beings to forgive one another. Recent happenings have invoked feelings that I once had. This was the feeling of insecurity, insensitivity and how fragile human relationships are. The analogy that I used is very suitable in this context as well. You know, before we talk or do something we have to bear in mind the consequences that come along.
Human relationships are like a piece of white paper, whatever we do or say are written down in ink but once we bring about hurtful and insensitive remarks, this once white piece of paper becomes stained with loads and loads black ink, and that’s why it’s so difficult to forgive and forget because this ink will stimulate certain undesirable memories. However if we draw a line then at least there will be portions of this paper which are still white. Sometimes the closer you get to someone the further it turns out to be. How paradoxical?
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(This isn’t really a separate post, their linked but not everyone could picture what I’m trying to potray because my mind is simply too messed up.)
Lately the pencil that captures my thoughts seems to break really easily, not once after my previous post have I been able to focus my thoughts. My mind is perhaps in the slums, and I’m like one of those drunkards lazing about the streets.
“Drunkard” apparently is the most appropriate word to use. I am currently a good for nothing lazing about, the idea of trying to kill time by getting myself engrossed with a new role playing game was a total failure. Maybe I really am too old for this kind of shit. Each day I wake up at nearly 1pm and turn in at 3 am in the morning. If your thinking that I really am plain lazy you’re wrong. Each day, I wake up facing my greatest enemy that is “Time”. Most of my friends who are studying overseas are extremely busy at the moment, they work on assignment after assignment some complain of how busy they can possibly get, yet I envy them because time seems so difficult to pass and that is exactly the reason why I turn in that late hoping to wake up really late as well.
The frequent wet weather has disrupted my daily exercise regime and each day I could only look forward to the 2 hour slot of drama and the late night in DoTA inhouse game. I finished watching Hajime no Ippo lately and sadly there isn’t any anime to stir me on, I often wish that I was Ippo. Not because I really love boxing but it was because he had something to fight for and I have none.
But is there really nothing to fight for? I believe me and my good friend Zubin can set up a club known as “The Procrastinators”. I know what’s wrong, I know what I have to do, but I simply sit around hoping that change will come along with time and situations. A common excuse I gave myself when it rains is let’s just sit back and play DoTA and not exercise for the day. This wasn’t how I used to behave, when I was still schooling I told myself that if it rains I would just have to do a different form of workout and it would be even harder so I better pray that it doesn’t rain.
Sometimes I tell myself, I didn’t make it big in certain fields because the situation isn’t right. Sometimes the people around me just didn’t make it right,
Sometimes the schedule was tight and things didn’t fit right,
Sometimes I think it’s just a whole load off bull crap and I’m creating excuses for myself.
This once preserving attitude of mine was triggered once again by a quote.
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barrack Obama
(Despite how uncertain and cloudy life might seem for me, however I know what I have to fight for and that is a better tomorrow … My Tomorrow)
the origin.11:35 PM
Name: Perry Tan Z.Y
Birthday: 22nd December 1988
Religion: Christian
Personality: INFJ
Loves: Basketball, Anime, HK, Korean and Chinese Dramas, Hanging out with friends, Watching Movies, "You Know ...", Gaming and Chinese Music
Hates these Traits ... Arrogance, Injustice, Insensitivity and Running Away (Even though I tend to run away a lot)
Wishlists: Enlightenment, Thought-Antagonist, Time Travel Machine, The other Puzzle Piece and A book called "How to become a Better Man"
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entries;
myself;
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links;
my past;
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