My Confession Box

Sunday, February 01, 2009

(Unlike my usual style of ending with a song, this time I would like to start with a song <”The Heart of Worship”> that I love a lot. Check out the lyrics, www.stlyrics.com/songs/m/mattredman20504/theheartofworship929505.html // it is related to what I will be sharing)

If you have been an avid reader, recall the post that I written about 2 months ago which started off with ... “Unleash the beast within”. Today’s sermon hit me really hard, the message revolved around this song and it was somehow rings a bell within me.

In my previous post, I shared about my quest about becoming a better man and I finally understood what I wanted to achieve at the end of the day. That is to stand “right” in the presence of god. Sadly, this is simply impossible, because I can’t do it with my own strength. I am a grave sinner and only through the grace of god that I will be able to live righteously.

I’m really afraid of myself at times, the human heart is simply too defile. I’m very afraid that I will not be able to suppress my dark side and I would fumble and commit sin after sin. Think about this, if someone spouts hurtful remarks all the time or has some sexually transmitted disease, is it the mouth that is defile or perhaps the body? If your thinking yea it’s both, well your wrong. It all stems with the heart. I recall a conversation I had with one of my best friends that “when the very thought crosses your mind, you have already done wrong. First the thought followed by the action”. Up till now, I still stick to my guns. I believe that we should see no evil, hear no evil and do no evil. Whoever see this and feels otherwise, call be a stubborn blockhead if you must but I still think that it should be this way.

I realized that I have failed to love my enemies, and at times I even have the evil intent or ripping them apart. Matthew 5:43-48 “But I tell you: You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

As I had a chat with Zubin on the bus yesterday, I asked him what is “Pride” and he told me it differs from one person to another. Likewise I felt the same but I felt that it was a personal space that we didn’t like others to step on. It was somewhat like ego that I felt was bad, I wanted to throw my pride away. Zubin, I’ll always remember what you said to me and I will live to become that man who would never be afraid to admit his faults. The reason why I asked him this was because earlier on during the day I was reading Matthew chapter 18 which talked about “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven”. Matthew 18:3 “And said: Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children (trusting, lowly, loving and forgiving) you can never enter the kingdom of heaven at all."
God granted King Solomon the gift of “Wisdom” but if god gave me a wish, I would want to become the “Man-Child” one that posses the fruit of god.

In the anime Gundam 00, Exia's Trans-arm mode (it's basically the most powerful mode of a robot) has a unique feature of listening to the thoughts of others, I don't know why but I want to posses an eye that can see right through people this would help me in my passion. I realized that my most ideal job would be one related to "Social Sciences", I still feel I was destined to connect people and bridge lives. Unfortunately the job prospects aren't that ideal but it's ok because I can still connect people and bridge lives even if I am not a politician.

[I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it, When it's all about You, It's all about You Jesus.]

the origin.12:57 PM