My Confession Box

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

I recall way back when I was a kid, I loved playing bumper car rides perhaps maybe because children found driving really fun. Besides that I wanted to grow up fast so that I could have my own computer that way I could play as and when I felt like it. That isn’t all, I wanted to grow up real fast that way my mom wouldn’t hold a leash on me. But the point was that children want to grow up too fast. Ok, I often speak of not wanting to grow up that quickly, but how true is that? I’m currently experiencing a phase that we all have to go through that is “Transitions”. During times like this you just feel torn apart , one part of you not liking the idea of changes and the other part of you just desperately wanting to make these changes.

Well, I have been pretty vexed lately about choosing a career pathway. I was considering between being a lawyer and a doctor. Initially I was hell bent in being a doctor, however often when we make such big decisions in life we have to really think it through. Once it’s done, it’s done and there’s simply no turning back. Once again, can I live up to the responsibility? We’re not talking about getting orders in a restaurant wrong, it’s not about the beef patty being overly cooked but once you screw up big time, a human life is gone. Can I discipline myself to study for 6 years? Is it ok if I started of working really late?
Ok, so here comes the part about being a lawyer. Sure, I enjoy debating a lot. I like looking at issues and breaking them down and most importantly who doesn’t want justice to be served? Well, I’ve always heard comments that being a lawyer is something like being a heartless bastard because you just got to “help” the baddie at times. Am I one that acts impulsively? Which do I let serve as a pivotal point in making judgements, is it my heart or my brain? Well, one thing for sure is that if I were to help the baddie my conscience will prick me really hard.

Arghhh! Stupid Humans why can’t they just make up their minds? Bleh... give me a break, I’m just a big kid. I know nuts about lots of things and certainly I am very inexperienced at “Certain” things, not knowing how to express myself.

Well, recently I have been watching a drama series called “Jian ren Jian”. Initially when I first saw the show I wanted to close the god damn TV. The main characters were like totally NOT captivating. Ok, besides the point that they were portrayed super ugly the main character was major bad ass. But as I watched on, damn was the story line unique. It’s about this total jackass becoming a really nice person. Well, he’s really hero man. He’s not afraid of spoiling his newly built goodie image and portray himself as a total big time asshole for the sake of the greater good. In today’s episode, he made a big decision to sacrifice something but of course he made appropriate “Plans”.

Well, the human world is a very logical society. I think many of them use their brains way more than their heart. Well, perhaps a fool like me should learn to use my brains more. But one thing I am certain is that when we tend to use our brains more, we make sacrifices and these sacrifices hurt. But you know what? These sacrifices won’t simply be imbedded into my memories but rather they serve as a reminder. Take for instance, perhaps 5 years down the road I would recall certain sacrifices that I made and I would tell myself hey you fool, get up on your feet to put up the good fight, don’t forget what was sacrificed!

I’m not sure what’s gonna happen but lord give me this chance to not use my brains, to not think about what is going to happen but just enjoy the moments and fill my mind with happy moments.

(Well, I don’t listen much to English songs but this sounds pretty good. Don’t tell me the man’s gay I don’t care.)

the origin.10:25 PM