My Confession Box

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Today, was the second last episode of “On the First Beat”. Thanks to my sister being a spoiler, I manage to find out what happened at the end, which left me very hollow. I remember telling many of my good friends this saying, when you get married find an opportunity to tell your wife that if the day in which we were to kick the bucket would come, you’ll kick yours first.
Naturally most of us would have been astounded by what I just said, you talking bullshit man? Apparently not, this is because it’s not the dead that suffers but the living ones that do. Well this was quoted from some movie that I watched in the past. So, linking back to on the first beat, the female lead dies ..., this reminds me of the film “Chinese Paladin” which I have yet to complete. (I got to find time to finish watching it) I remember mentioning about a film years back named “Xiao Qing”. It’s about 2 people not being fated to be together, a human falling in love with a ghost. The ending was that he kept her in his umbrella forever. (Apparently, ghosts portrayed in the film feared light. Sounds rather like a vampire to me.)
Well, apparently it is kind of coincidental that I came upon some quotes before watching this episode. “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” – May Sarton
Many of us use the terms loneliness and solitude interchangeably. But are they really the same? Well, I’ll cut short to the point... it ain’t the same. The notions of solitude, loneliness and being alone are often confusing or misunderstood. One way to look at this is to say that solitude is the joy of being alone while loneliness is the pain of being alone. Being alone is not necessarily to be lonely. Solitude is the prerequisite for creativity and the place in which we can discover the treasure chest of tranquility and serenity and all their benefits.
(Cited from http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Are_Solitude_And_Loneliness_Different.html)
Sometimes I don’t really know whether it’s the feeling of solitude or loneliness that dwells within me, I think it’s both. Lately, my friend terms me as “Anti-Social”. How true is this statement, perhaps to a certain extent. Rather call me an introvert.
I have a really bad habit, if anyone is seeing this right now he or she will definitely be freaked out. I talk to myself sometimes. Yes I do, don’t persuade me to talk to the Good Samartians of Singapore, it ain’t going to help. Well, it isn’t bad you know, the other me helps me to think better and at times boost my confidence. (Maybe it’s just me ...) Recently, I talked to myself in the toilet while bathing and I did not realize that it was a little loud. Mom managed to hear bits and peices and she said I was weird ... great, it’s her fault actually for giving me my Chinese name from an idiom “Zhi Yan Zhi Yu” meaning talking to oneself, apparently my name meant that I would live to be a happy person.
Ok everyone, it’s time for the grandfather talk. Perhaps I am one with too whacked of an imagination, but I would never want to portray myself old with no one else left. Meaning all that’s left are shards of memories. I manage to come across a unique quote that a friend wrote in loving memory of his friend.

“A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.” – Charles Daniels
written en route to the funeral for his friend, Ronnie Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

the origin.10:24 PM