My Confession Box

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I believe many of us would have came across the saying ...
(For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: "It might have been!")

The 23rd of February was unlike the ideal Saturday I was hoping for. I slacked for most points of the day, however during the afternoon something unexpected happened . My grandfather’s health was deteriorating at a rapid pace. He looked unwell days before however on that particular day he suffered a stroke. I happened to chance by him almost collapsing when I passed by the kitchen. Despite the fact that he didn’t fell because I managed to carry him to a nearby spot to rest while waiting for the ambulance to arrive, destiny was set and all that was left was the clock to strike.

My maternal grandfather passed away on the 24th of February 9.56 pm. Things were really hectic today for myself and everyone else. Sometimes simple questions with answers such as “yes” and “no” are not necessarily answered easily. Today was such a day in which difficult decisions had to be made. My mother had to make a choice whether a not to allow the doctors to operate on gramps.

Either way chances of survival was pretty low, however to operate it would prolong his life but it would not change the outcome of him being in a vegetative state. Each side would give an outcome of approximately a similar % of survival and a similar outcome as well. Upon understanding this, everyone was devastated. Most choose not to operate on him, however my mom thought otherwise. She felt that sitting back and doing nothing would not help the situation either. However at the end of the day she got convinced as well.
As she made her way home from the hospital after visiting him, the harbinger of bad news made it’s way and his death was announced. Grief struck the hearts of all his loved ones. We made our way to the hospital to go through the various procedures. It was at this point that I realized how fortunate I was to stay as a “KID”. Adults were complex creatures and money matters tear apart relationships. When it came to discussing procedures it was this point that things got ugly. Simple decisions could be made but were clouded with misinterpretation, pride and rashness. Things got ugly and I made my way home.

Throughout the entire day, I was embraced with various emotions. But the one that stroke me the hardest was a sense of regret. Gramps and I seldom communicate. All I knew about him was that he was a seamen in the past, he loved collecting junk, he played the harmonica really well and he could really sing. Perhaps gramps tried to open up but failed to do so, I did too but apparently failed likewise. I really miss gramps a lot despite the fact that he seems to be lurking around doing nothing at home most of the time. I recall asking my year 1 facilitator once, what makes a decision a wise one. He said that if you could turn back time and did the same choice without making any regrets then it certainly would be a wise choice.
If I could turn back time I would definitely have spoke and understood more about gramps and his past. Anybody who’s reading this right now, please remember that time and tide waits for no one, cherish those that are around you, for one day when the angel of death would approach your loved ones and you would not want to have any regrets.
I have decided to make a change in my life, to become a better man and that is to spend more time with my grandmother perhaps to learn cooking or various skills from her and also to dig up about history of my grandfather and perhaps exploring and making a family tree.

Lord I wanted you to give him one more chance to seek salvation but apparently you choose not to do so. I believe you have plans for everyone and for him as well. Gramps, I can recall that you haven’t hug me once in my entire lifetime. However I hope your hearing this perhaps from the heavens.
“Gramps, I love you and I will always remember moments that we spent together.”

the origin.9:37 PM