My Confession Box

Monday, September 21, 2009

Yesterday, I watched the movie “Knowing” with my family. The movie wasn’t really under the genre “horror” but the mysterious aspects of the show really creped me out. At first, I thought the movie was trying to prove the fact with regards to what John (Nicholas Cage) was trying to explain to his class. That is … whether events that take place were just purely random out of chance for instance mutation etc… or were they linked to a series of events.

But as the show went on … I realized that the movie was more or less trying to depict the “Last day” described in the bible in terms of analogies and symbols. Anyways … I felt that the movie was a wake-up call to remind myself how “ready” I was if the day were to come. FYI, I’m totally not ready.

I believe most people know me as a not so confident type of guy. Well it’s true; I would say that the inferior complex syndrome within me kicks in quite often. Lately there’s this singer whose voice penetrates my heart, one that fills me with sadness, regret, guilt and inferiority. But this isn’t always a bad thing, her voice makes me want to change myself. Change myself into someone who would be more “Eligible” to my future dream.

If you’re kind of similar to me and you feel inferior to others at times, think about in what aspect do you feel inferior and act upon it, that way the next time you think about it ain’t no ICS gonna kick in.

the origin.11:26 PM

Saturday, September 19, 2009

You know, some ink fade away pretty easily. Couple of weeks back, I reached out into my pocket to get my wallet and I found an old piece of paper. It’s a wonder why the ink hadn’t faded away yet, it’s been almost 9 months already. I guess certain things don’t fade away that easily as compared to the ink on that paper. But today, I lost an object pretty important to me, something we’d call a sentimental object. I guess maybe it really is time to say goodbye …

the origin.10:16 PM

Monday, September 14, 2009

Previously I talked about confidence and believing in yourself. Well there’s something else to it that I forgot to mention. You’ll probably get the message after watching this video …

Did you catch what I left out?
Ray Allen: “My confidence in my games comes in just my preparations.”
Gilbert Arenas: “My Dad was always told me that if you wanna be good, you know you got to keep at it because while your resting someone else out there is working in the world”

There’s this anime that I like a lot, It’s called “Hajime No Ippo!” It’s about boxing and there was this particular part where the middle weight boxer Takamura went into the finals against the world champion, surprisingly by round 5 he was in a state of semiconscious and the particular thing that kept him going was the basics, those long tiring days of doing the same thing again and again. His vision was compromised; he couldn’t hear his coach yelling at him, all he could hear was the crowd cheering. Despite all that he was able to execute his moves because it has been drilled into him. Likewise, if you want to be good at something, you’ve got to work extremely hard to an extent that it gets drilled into you. Just like what Ray Allen said, I believe that the only confidence that I will have is in my preparations.

3 weeks back, I thought about this and thought of a different way in training myself. I practiced a lot be it in terms of physique or technique. All those hard work paid off today. Every Sunday, me and my friends would play 5v5 full court basketball and at the end of each of those days, we’d end up defeated utterly by those older more experienced guys, despite so I’d always tell my friends that those guys on the court weren’t gonna win for long. We’ll defeat the next time. Week after week, time after time I’d say the same thing and guess what? This time, the day ended without me saying the same thing because we finally won and it was no fluke, we did it twice in a row.

I realized that after I flared up and exploded on one of my friends, people started to take things more seriously and we changed our style of playing. We played what’d you call basketball formations where there is a movement pattern that we have to adopt. It took us time to learn it, it started off quite ugly but as time passed we got good at it and it certainly helped us clinch our victory today. Set aside the formation, another determining factor was will power or rather FIGHTING SPIRIT! Fast breaks in basketball really require a lot of energy, you’d have to sprint with all your might and get to the other end before the defense returns and today we all ran like we’ve ran before.

I feel that lately we were playing more like a team and it gave me the feeling of what’s it like to play in a real basketball club. It’s always been my dream to play in a basketball CCA in school where we get to enter competitions, stay over-night for camps, understand one another and appreciate each other. I hope I can realize this dream when I get to Australia. Whenever I tell my friends that I can’t stand physical activities in the army but yet if it were to be basketball training and even if it were to be 2 times tougher, I’d go all out. They will always highlight this as sheer irony.

[It’s all about fun, and I really love it very much.]

the origin.12:39 AM