After watching tonight’s episode of “The Ultimate Crime fighter”, it simply makes my blood boil. I got so pissed that I simply wanted to blast that insolent blaggard into smithereens. Come to think of it, perhaps the career test that I did couple a days ago really is accurate.
Often I wonder, why do I always ask myself the weirdest heaviest questions in life which are unexplainable. Through the test I finally understood why, that is because INFJ’s have part of that in their personality profile. The description really fits, take for instance the part about poetic justice in which I often fantasize about ripping the body parts of those who terrorize the defenceless, learning has to be steered towards growth and development and the need to be inspired every now and then. Maybe the part about being good at writing isn’t true but I definitely find it much easier to express myself while writing.
Try doing the test it’s really cool.
Link for the test: http://www.careertest.net/cgi-bin/a.pl
Link for profile description: http://typelogic.com/infj.html
Year 2009 is approaching and I’m totally hyped, the learner shall take a form as a Conquistador ever exploring and forever curious. Perhaps the first big thing to explore would be poetry.
the origin.10:26 PM
Last night was one of those dreadful nights that we all experience once in a while. I tried turning in at 12.15am but ended up sleeping at 4.00am, it’s been days of sleepless nights turning in at 2am and waking up and 1.30pm. I seriously wonder if I am suffering from some sort of sleep disorder.
Anyway, while I was awake many things ran through my mind. I haven’t been reflecting much lately, it’s just 5 days till the year comes to an end, and certainly it is good to start off each year with new resolutions.
The holiday period has been rather boring. I’m not saying Christmas was terrible, the food was good and all that, but yeah I was kind of bored. Have you ever pondered to yourself what would your ideal Christmas day be like? Also, have you ever wondered what your normal ideal day would be like? Perhaps in the past, Christmas was about spending the entire day with Wei liang playing Diablo 2 and gaming. But if you were to ask me now, I really don’t know what would be deemed ideal.
Recently, Wei Liang introduced me to play World of WarCraft but apparently it wasn’t as appealing as it should have been. Rather it was kind of boring, it’s either the game isn’t suitable for me or my inquisitive spirit of curiosity did not spark off. I can’t wait till Diablo 3 gets released. I reckon it’ll probably be a captivating force that draws me closer each day.
With regards to an Ideal day, each day we hear people complaining about how routine base liked it has been but is it really a bad thing? Well for one thing I enjoy schooling days quite a lot. Sure if it gets excessive we all hope for a break but the point is it keeps us pre-occupied. It’s just as the saying goes “Another day, another carrot.”
I realized that many at times, my thoughts drift towards how an older person would think. If someone were to ask me “How’s Life?” I would probably say it sucks and there’s nothing much to look forward to. Why did I say such a thing? It’s because often I think from a perspective “Been there, Done that”. But truth is, there are loads of things that are not done. Instead of sitting down blatantly cursing, rotting and swearing, what I should be doing is to release the inner child within me fuelled with curiosity that desperately searches for answers.
Year 2009 will be joyful yet cloudy. Let’s take a look at what’s going to happen ...
Well, the biggest thing would probably be my closest cousin is going to get married. I recall when we were young we used to do loads of stuff together ranging from playing in the playground chasing the crazy old man to exploring the jungle-liked area behind my Dad’s Restaurant. These things appear so precious now.
Besides that the next big thing would be the arrival of “That day” in which I would be devastated, things look even worse because I’m about to enter the army but hopefully my new resolution which is to become a “Learner” would bring me forward in life.
Here is a quote that I can relate strongly to:
“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” – The Wonder Years
[As we grow older, we tend to be too logical meaning we use our minds too much and that’s why we kill our inner child. Think about it, believing in Santa is it from the heart or the brain?]
the origin.7:35 PM
2 ½ hours from now, I would have step foot on earth for 175,200 hours. Come to think of it, it doesn’t seem like much. So what’s so special about 175,200th hour? Well, if you look at it in terms hours it doesn’t seem like anything special but if you look at it in terms of years the first digit has changed and it certainly means a lot. It's something like this ... imagine if someone asked you to describe people of age 8, 15, 20, 30 and 40. You would probably say a kid, teenager, young adult, middle aged adult and an adult. Well you get the point it's like a big leap.
Just a while ago, I happened to watch a very slow and light hearted movie with my family. It’s called “Bridge to Terabitah”. Well at the beginning of the show, me and my sister were complaining how lame the show was because it was about 2 stupid young teenagers and their silly imaginations. But were their imaginations really stupid or could it be that I’ve just grown too old for imaginations? I recall back when I was a kid I would do the same, weaving fantasies of another world by mere words. Anyway, as I was saying ... this show made me think some stuff like for example friendship, regrets and high school. I haven’t had someone so special yet, hopefully I would in the future. But it did remind me of Tim. Haven’t seen him in ages say 9 years? I doubt I would ever see him again though.
[Maybe this is how the future would be like. Life is pretty simple isn’t it?]
the origin.9:52 PM
I recall way back when I was a kid, I loved playing bumper car rides perhaps maybe because children found driving really fun. Besides that I wanted to grow up fast so that I could have my own computer that way I could play as and when I felt like it. That isn’t all, I wanted to grow up real fast that way my mom wouldn’t hold a leash on me. But the point was that children want to grow up too fast. Ok, I often speak of not wanting to grow up that quickly, but how true is that? I’m currently experiencing a phase that we all have to go through that is “Transitions”. During times like this you just feel torn apart , one part of you not liking the idea of changes and the other part of you just desperately wanting to make these changes.
Well, I have been pretty vexed lately about choosing a career pathway. I was considering between being a lawyer and a doctor. Initially I was hell bent in being a doctor, however often when we make such big decisions in life we have to really think it through. Once it’s done, it’s done and there’s simply no turning back. Once again, can I live up to the responsibility? We’re not talking about getting orders in a restaurant wrong, it’s not about the beef patty being overly cooked but once you screw up big time, a human life is gone. Can I discipline myself to study for 6 years? Is it ok if I started of working really late?
Ok, so here comes the part about being a lawyer. Sure, I enjoy debating a lot. I like looking at issues and breaking them down and most importantly who doesn’t want justice to be served? Well, I’ve always heard comments that being a lawyer is something like being a heartless bastard because you just got to “help” the baddie at times. Am I one that acts impulsively? Which do I let serve as a pivotal point in making judgements, is it my heart or my brain? Well, one thing for sure is that if I were to help the baddie my conscience will prick me really hard.
Arghhh! Stupid Humans why can’t they just make up their minds? Bleh... give me a break, I’m just a big kid. I know nuts about lots of things and certainly I am very inexperienced at “Certain” things, not knowing how to express myself.
Well, recently I have been watching a drama series called “Jian ren Jian”. Initially when I first saw the show I wanted to close the god damn TV. The main characters were like totally NOT captivating. Ok, besides the point that they were portrayed super ugly the main character was major bad ass. But as I watched on, damn was the story line unique. It’s about this total jackass becoming a really nice person. Well, he’s really hero man. He’s not afraid of spoiling his newly built goodie image and portray himself as a total big time asshole for the sake of the greater good. In today’s episode, he made a big decision to sacrifice something but of course he made appropriate “Plans”.
Well, the human world is a very logical society. I think many of them use their brains way more than their heart. Well, perhaps a fool like me should learn to use my brains more. But one thing I am certain is that when we tend to use our brains more, we make sacrifices and these sacrifices hurt. But you know what? These sacrifices won’t simply be imbedded into my memories but rather they serve as a reminder. Take for instance, perhaps 5 years down the road I would recall certain sacrifices that I made and I would tell myself hey you fool, get up on your feet to put up the good fight, don’t forget what was sacrificed!
I’m not sure what’s gonna happen but lord give me this chance to not use my brains, to not think about what is going to happen but just enjoy the moments and fill my mind with happy moments.
(Well, I don’t listen much to English songs but this sounds pretty good. Don’t tell me the man’s gay I don’t care.)
the origin.10:25 PM
Sometimes I can really hate myself, I say that I want to do one thing and I end up not doing it. If most people were to describe an aura around me, it’ll probably be a very negative one. But you know what? This spirit of despair has just left me and I’m currently picking up momentum.
Don’t we ever get tired of life? Recently, I asked myself what is the reason why we hang on each day to see the next. I thought that the reason which was once there is gone because it was an illusion. But apparently I’m behaving in such a silly manner because for a moment I was selfish. But guess what? I finally straightened out my thoughts.
Some people live for others, some for themselves. But you got to remember that just because you live for the person it does not mean it has to be the other way round too. Each person that plays an important role in your life is what makes up the earth, if these people disappear earth too disappears along with them.
Your very existence is the reason why I hang on each day hoping to see the next. Getting excited by what goes on around you and longing to see that beautiful smile of yours.
the origin.9:45 PM
Lately, my life force have been very low. Not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to do anything, all I want is to sit around and rot. I really don’t know what to do next and I don’t feel like running.
My soul has been tormented. What’s worse is that it isn’t haunted by a spectre but an illusion. If you don’t know there’s a big difference between a ghost and an illusion. A ghost exists whereas an illusion doesn’t.
Check out this guy, at least he has an umbrella. I want one too!
[也许是我错了]
the origin.10:35 PM