My Confession Box

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Recently, someone said that I was strong. Not in the physical sense but mentally. Today, is one of those days in which my mind was put to the test. It’s just a few more weeks before the next NAPFA and my body just recovered from the previous severe muscle aches. I tried taking things to the extreme by trying to work out twice as hard.

Miraculously I woke up at 6am in the morning yesterday to do 2.4km run along with trying my best to do a pull up and push ups. Surprisingly I managed to actually do it so early in the morning. Don’t forget I’m always late for class, I thought perhaps waking up in the morning doing would too help me to get to school in time. But here comes the bear of bad news. Right after the run, I started to feel cold, very cold. Apparently I was down with fever and that wasn’t the worst thing. I felt like throwing up inside out earlier on during breakfast. Fortunately I managed to regain my appetite later on. The fever lasted the entire day. Should I give up and stick to what I was doing previously? [The drops of rain makes a hole in the stone, not by violence but by oft falling]

At first I thought that going to NS would be a good experience, to toughen me up and to face my fears ... ROACHES! Furthermore it would prepare me to join the varisty basketball club. But apparently, the thought of waking up so early in the morning experiencing fever-liked symptoms causes me to cower in fear.

Perhaps I am not strong at all, maybe I am just a weakling.

I’m not sure if anyone feels this way, apparently reality and situations portrayed in TV are absolutely different. In television programs, when the male lead dies, the female lead makes a promise to dedicates her life for him, remembering him each time she looks at the sky ... and it ends at such. In reality it’s not so easy you got to live on and it hurts each minute. Why can’t there be “THE END” as shown in movies?
Many at times, cancer patients decides to face their illness bravely but what happens at the very end? He or she too cowers in fear and they finally behaves in the most natural way ... “I don’t want to die”. You see, sometimes things are just not that simple.

In short I try to be brave. But in actual fact I’m scared, very scared of the future.

(A song that I like a lot)

Fate and lady luck, I plead for you to work your magic on me.

But are things really that grim?
If I were to say the sky is green,
they would probably say I was color blind.
Why couldn't it be that the sky really was green
and they were all color blind? – Perry
[Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one – Albert Einstein]

Reality bites... and doesn't let go. Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. The trail of blood just leaves a puddle wherever I go. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

the origin.11:27 PM